If you had to abolish one: Australia or New Zealand? We asked 1000 people

It’s the kind of question you’d ask at a pub after three beers and a rugby loss — but we asked it sober, and people still had answers.

If one country had to go — Australia or New Zealand — which would it be? We surveyed 1,000 people, evenly split between the two nations.

The results were as messy, passionate, and slightly unhinged as you’d expect.

The results: New Zealand loses (kind of)

Out of 1,000 votes, 570 people chose to abolish New Zealand. That’s 57%. But the reasons weren’t all as brutal as you’d think.

Yes, some Australians gave the classic responses: “We’re the bigger player,” “They’re basically our countryside,” “We’ve got better beaches.”

But others were far more backhanded: “They’re so nice, they’d probably go peacefully.” “They already act like they don’t exist — might as well make it official.”

Why some Australians voted against themselves

In a twist, 215 Australians voted to abolish their own country. The reasons? Frustration, mostly. “This place is cooked,” said one voter from Melbourne.

“Rent is impossible. We don’t even make things anymore.” Some were blunt: “At least New Zealand still has birds and trees.” Others were quietly admiring: “I’d rather be ruled by Jacinda than Canberra.”

The Kiwi responses? Fiercely divided

A surprising number of New Zealanders — around 45% — chose to eliminate their own country. Their reasons ranged from cynical (“We’ve become Australia’s nature park”) to self-deprecating (“We peaked with Lord of the Rings and flat whites”).

Others, though, were less joking: “I love my country, but no one listens to us globally. At least Australia has some weight.” The rest stood firm: “Abolish Australia. Start over with better branding.”

The common theme? Exhaustion, not hate

The responses didn’t reveal real animosity between the nations. Instead, they exposed how deeply people are fed up with their own domestic problems. Whether it’s housing, politics, cost of living, or climate inaction, both sides projected their frustration onto the question.

Australia sees itself as dominant but broken. New Zealand sees itself as overlooked but quietly competent. And neither side seems particularly happy.